Warning!!! You should always take the Shawnee Mythology in small doses. Overdosing, trying to make sense of the Shawnee Mythology, or consuming it may in fact cause cancer, brain explosions, brain implosions in rare cases, aneurisms, death, hyper leg disorder, back spasms, fibromyalgia, thoughts of suicide, or just plain might make you kookoo. If after taking the Shawnee Mythology you feel light headed, off balance, confused, disoriented, or experience internal bleeding, extreme paranoia, the need to bite kitties, sleepless nights, or an unnatural attraction to the color pink, please consult your doctor immediately.
Of course it is hard to know if some statements in the books of Shawnee mythology are in fact correct because they were passed down by spoken words long before they were ever recorded in writing or a reality TV show.
The Shawnee Mythology states… “When a creature has become prey of a Shawnee it is commonly known that she will most likely latch onto said creature with her horrendous fangs and shake the life out of it before she consumes it.”
The Shawnee Mythology also states… “The Shawnee is a messy eater.”
The Shawnee Mythology states… “Although the Shawnee usually likes to remain higher than most people by sitting on tables and owning a tall bed, she often sits on the floor in public places. There are many reasons a Shawnee might do this. It may be because she likes to be an inconvenience for strangers or because being down low is the ideal place to launch sneak attacks.”
The Shawnee Mythology states… “There have been many rumors of the extreme secrecy that is practiced in Shawnee Corps. There is mass speculation that not only does Shawnee Corps withhold valuable information from it’s stock holders and customers but it will release false information to throw people off the trail. Some times a Shawnee may remain tight lipped but one must remember some truths are dangerous to know.”
The Shawnee mythology states… “One can feel safe about hugging a Shawnee as long as they don’t smell or give painful hugs” it also states “If someone from the above two categories does hug a Shawnee their life will be in immediate danger”
The Shawnee mythology states… “When asking the Shawnee a question you must be very specific. Some rumors have been circulating that Shawnee did in fact break her processor that listens to what you mean and not what you say in a tragic Q-tip accident. Shawnee Corps is working feverishly to develop a new one.”
The Shawnee mythology states… “She attracts men by ignoring them. Most would think she is playing games but that is not the case. Rumor has it she had a very bad case of the cat scratch fever as a child and often reverts to cat like behavior. Everyone wants to a pet the cat that wont let them.”
The Shawnee mythology states… “When Shawnee feels threatened, wants to show dominance, or just wants to be annoying she may simulate her feeding natures on inanimate objects. ”
The Shawnee mythology states… “The Shawnee was created to not sleep. Although the recharging techniques have been improved over the years, Shawnee Corps has held fast to their decision to make the Shawnee not sleep. This has many environmentalists in an uproar but Shawnee Corps has yet to comment on their picketing and protesting.”
The Shawnee mythology states… “The Shawnee is a naturally greedy creature. The Shawnee is very concerned with material things and money. Rumor has it there was a problem during the creation of the Shawnee that makes the Shawnee lack in the will power to actually try to make money by doing anything. Shawnee owns several blogs and is working on several projects with no intention of making money off them although she has been advised by us”
The Shawnee mythology states… “It has often been asked if the Shawnee leaves any sort of foot print. Be it carbon, torrent, or in the sand. The answer is no. Even if the Shawnee gets her feetsies wet. What causes this phenomenon is still undiscovered but scientists are working feverishly to uncover the truth.”
The Shawnee mythology states… “As a naturally intelligent and well spoken creature, upon reaching the age of reason the Shawnee will dye her hair blonde in an attempt to confuse those who would judge her solely based on her hair color.”
The Shawnee mythology states… “The Shawnee may jump from subject to subject without a warning. There are many theories as to what causes this feature. The most likely to be true is the theory that states most people use only 10% of their brain and the Shawnee uses more like 100%. It is hard to keep track of so much brain functioning let alone hold a conversation on one subject.”
The Shawnee Mythology states, “It is said that a Shawnee is unaware of her strength. Rumor has it that even after she had tore the tendons in her arm she could still open any jar a man couldn’t open. She also overfills grocery bags to it isn’t humanly possible to lift them and can break stainless steel knives with just a touch. If a Shawnee offers you a hand-job just say no!”
The Shawnee Mythology states… “Due to the severity of problems caused during a Shawnee attack we placed indicators in one eye so that the victim of a Shawnee outburst has somewhat of a warning before initial contact. The Surgeon General would like us to warn you that this indicator only works in person. We here at Shawnee Corps urge you not to provoke a Shawnee via text, email, phone call, or IM because you will have no warning before a Shawnee attack. We also heavily urge you to evacuate the situation if Shawnee’s blue eye goes completely blue. Ideally the Shawnee’s eyes should be the same color at all normal times but she is never normal so we are working feverishly to correct this error”
The Shawnee mythology states “A Shawnee only passes gas under the most rare of occasions. If one finds them self in immediate vicinity of a Shawnee emission one should immediately bask in it’s glory for it is a true treat.”
The Shawnee Mythology states… “Shawnees are never scared off. When annoyed to a certain point a Shawnee may withdraw herself from a situation in order to not act out in internet violence.”
The Shawnee mythology states… “The Shawnee does not eat or consume unicorns in any way because they are a little too lean and Shawnee’s are known to eat more fatty meats such as duck. Though Shawnees have been known to use unicorn horns to remove duck from her teeth”
The Shawnee Mythology states… “The Shawnee Mythology is unlikely to be available on the Android OS because being an Android her self, Shawnee is insulted that the OS is called Android. It is a program not a robothumantypething!”
The Shawnee Mythology also states… “The Shawnee is an Apple Evangelist”
The Shawnee Mythology states… “As it has been stated that Shawnee’s don’t sleep they sometimes need to recharge on the fly. So we have interrogated state of the art technology that allows a Shawnee take someone’s essence to recharge quickly and effectively before powering down in an inconvenient area, such as Compton. Our technology allows a Shawnee to take essence (or strippers/hookers named Essence as long as their biceps aren’t huge) from as far as 4,000 miles away. Does this extraction actually hurt the human it is being performed on? We have seen no direct results but long term damage is still being tested.”
The Shawnee Mythology states… “Although the Shawnee does not age like a normal person because the Shawnee is half robot which makes her voice remain high pitched and keeps her skin looking nice and fresh, we do count the Shawnee’s age from the date of she emerged off the assembly line which was in early December of 1984″
The Shawnee Mythology states… “A Shawnee usually only holds a crush for no longer than a month. Many studies have been performed on the Shawnee to explain exactly why she always holds true to this pattern. Shawnee Corps has come to the conclusion that within this time frame another man usually enters Shawnee’s sight that cancels out the previous man. She is not equipped to process more than one crush at a time.”
**Shawnee Corps has 100% publishing rights to any and all Shawnee Mythology content. Copying, publishing, rendering, or stealing for your own personal pleasure is punishable by law. AKA Fuck with the Shawnee Mythology and the whole of Shawnee Corps legal department will come down on you with the iron hammer of justice.**